I find myself sitting at the airport awaiting the journey to the Himalayas and wonder what she will have in store. Over the past week I have noticed an intensity arise during meditation. Each day, the eyes close and the awareness is immediately drawn inwards without distraction. “I” have done nothing to invite this intensity or feeling and part of me wonders what is going on. There is no sense of complaint, solely wonder. Wonderment of the vast and mysterious nature of the soul. The soul seems to be in a state of preparation for what may lie ahead. It feels as though there has been a current ignited deep within.
I sit here at the airport following a two day workshop about constellations. This is a way of working with systems and ultimately taps into the familial history and the system of origin. One of the teachings that resonated strongly with me is the quote from Hellinger that “success lies in the face of the mother”. Without going into great depth on this subject, it basically implies that success in life depends upon our relationship with our mother. The way we related to her in the early days influences more than anything else how we relate to the world now.
The feelings of intensity are vibrating within my skull as I sit here now. I am also aware of the dissonance with my own mother. Some work clearly needs to be done to open my heart fully. This is a challenge for me and the work awaits my return. And at the same time the radiance within seems to be pulling my being towards the Himalayas and this level is independent of any of the nitty gritty of life and relationship. There is a clear trust of this call from the soul within and a dis-belief of the workings of the mind. The mechanics of the mind are well known after all these years and their flaws clear for the witness.
Having seen various Guru’s reaching high states and then accused of philandering, paedophilia, fraud and the list goes on, the question of what is spiritual experience how this relates to “life” as we know it. How can I listen and follow this magnetic voice within and at the same time serve humanity? Having experimented with the kriya from Satyananda, I am in no doubt that he reached the peak of spirituality and at in the same breath was accused of child abuse. The mind questions how this can happen and my trust in the inner voice wanes when the actions of those that have gone before remain in question. Creating suffering in the lives of others having attained the ultimate knowledge that we are one.
Which aspect of life can we trust? Do we trust the teachers who have gone before or the mechanics of our own mind which have been sculpted by our own family systems? Or do we trust this mysterious unfolding within, totally beyond the grasp of the mind? The present moment avails this truth for me. Life avails itself in the present. In the realm of no mind. No mind to interpret, evaluate, construct or destruct. Simply being. Being with this beautiful inner process that has life of its own.
From a young age there has been a deep yearning for moksha or liberation. The soul is calling and awareness is primed. The awareness will follow its own path on this journey to the Himalayas and “I” intend to sit back and allow the seed to bloom. Let’s see if success really lies in the face of the mother….