Several months ago I described an encounter with a fellow coach in which he inspired me to action. In a flurry of activity, I created daily videos and the creative juices were flowing. In the past couple of days I have noticed the subtle presence of a familiar recurring pattern. I work a lot with these deep recurring patterns in people and you might expect that they would not resurface in a so-called “expert”. The inner dialogue of the pattern sounds like this.. I have nothing new to say.. I have to be perfect to speak.. Etc. It prevents me from acting in the world.
As with any of the patterns that repeatedly visit us in this life, they are imprinted in our system in early life. And the only tool to allow the possibility of experiencing life beyond the pattern is awareness. Felt-perception awareness. This awareness through the heart that is often redundant in life as an adult.
By the time we are adults, we function primarily from thought-perception, with our thoughts hypnotically fixated upon the seemingly inanimate appearance of our previously animated experience.
The patterns were established long before thought-perception dominated our being. Shifting to the heart and felt-awareness takes practice. Without this shift, nothing new will ever happen in our life, despite external differences. I have described the thought-perception associated with this pattern live in my awareness now. Lets shift to felt perception. Feeling through the heart. I feel tightness in my throat. It feels like my whole body is in a straight jacket and I am deeply rooted to the ground. It feels rigid and relatively safe because I am so grounded.
Staying with this feeling, I ask my felt-perception inwardly when this feeling was experienced before. Immediately, through feeling, awareness of standing on the school stage (age 11) as head boy jumps into presence. Although this is connected to a past experience, the feeling is fully embraced in the now. The feeling intensifies. The restriction in the throat becomes stronger and it almost feels like I would be unable to speak if I tried. I feel frozen. The feeling is preventing me from expressing, in an attempt to stay safe and not be judged.
We learn to resist our authentic feelings by metaphorically standing still with only one toe moving when we would rather be jumping for joy.
All of this felt-perception has been within my system forever and has been untapped. It’s flavor remains. Fully embracing this feeling now allows something to shift. It is the start of a journey of aware-ness. At this point, I ask again, when was this feeling known prior to the stage experience? No thoughts come and yet the feelings intensify. It feels like a stage before thought-perception. The intensity in the throat magnifies and there is a surge of energy in my head. The final stage of the process to freedom is to stay with the feelings, no matter what. Discomfort is inevitable and temporary.
Patterns can be worked with at the mental level and the gross physical level. This may work to give some temporary relief and even create promising results. The only way to deeply shift your patterns is to work deeply through felt-perception in the present moment. My clients are a continual inspiration for me and their courage in shifting from pretence to presence is remarkable. This is the journey required by us all to know life fully. Stop moving a toe and learn to jump for joy. The process is gentle. Follow the flow of presence.
Quotes and inspiration thanks to Michael Brown.